Log in

long time no see

Gosh I have not been here in forever. Did anybody miss me?

Lots has happened... got divorced, moved. Had a little breakdown. Spent some time in the hospital. My little sister was murdered. Lots of things to deal with since I've been here last.

I've missed my LJ friends.

I have been here, and here, in case you were wondering.

Shady's Hospitalization

*the following posted here by a friend of Shady's with her permission*

On the night of March 16, Shady was found in a critical condition after an attempt at taking her life. EMS was called and Shady was rushed to the ER, where she spent the night in the hospital until she was stabilized. Once out of physical danger, she was admitted to the Psychiatric Center. When a person actually goes through with attempting to end their own life, they are automatically committed to the psychiatric hospital and then held there until they are no longer considered a danger to themselves. This is what happened in Shady's case.

When admitted to the hospital, Shady was dehydrated, malnourished, and nearly unable to function due to lack of sleep. She was also found to have dangerously abnormal potassium, blood pressure, and blood sugar levels. This- in combination with the chronic illness she suffers from (Stein-Levanthal Syndrome), her long-term major depression, her inability to get medication and the emotional trauma of the last year- led to a breakdown. When Shady was abruptly abandoned without warning last year, she was left very suddenly with no home, savings, finances or support- including no way to procure any medical help. With no way to get her needed medications, her depression, desperation, and state of mind grew worse and worse. She spent the last year trying to go through dozens of different public and government channels for people in her situation but was unable to receive any help.

Though the experience leading up to it was very difficult, the opportunity to finally be admitted to and closely treated at such a good hospital was a major second chance at life for Shady.

As soon as her hospital stay began, she started recovering physically and mentally at an encouraging rate. She was able to finally be treated for her chronic illness as well as to get the medications she has needed for so long. The change is absolutely unbelievable- Shady is like a whole new (happier, healthier) girl. Physically, she is in better shape than she has been for maybe the last 10 years. The great doctors, RN's, techs, and everybody else at the hospital took excellent care of her, and worked hard to help her gain back her health for the first time in a decade- they have the complete, sincere thanks of Shady and her friends & family. Thomason- you guys got a lotta good people working there, thank you all.

Shady has recently been released from the hospital and she's now doing very well, and cannot wait to reconnect with the Internet and all of her much-missed friends out there in the world. We decided to post this info officially, as there are a few people out there who already knew about it and we wanted to address it because we know some others have been concerned and wondering. Messages of support for Shady can be sent to shady@lostdestinations.com

Shady will be back to work and back in touch with everyone soon.

Let's Hang Out.....

Before I say anything about what's been going on with me lately, I wanna say this real quick, because time is growing short:

We are going to be in the Lost Diner chatroom in a short few hours... live tonight.... for the return of the weekly Diner chat. It's been awhile, with all that's been going on we haven't had one for some time. But... I feel today is the day. So, please join us if you'd like. That's 9 .pm. Eastern Time, check here to see when that is in your corner of the world. The regular night has been changed from Thursdays to Tuesdays so this will be our first chat on the new night! Hope to see some of you there.....

OK, that said.... on to the more personal stuff. It has been hard to make myself come back here, I actually always fear what I might find. Mark has posted something nasty things here in the past. And then, some of you guys still have him on your friends list so I assume you are cool with what he did to me and consider him a 'friend'. And those who don't have HIM on their friends list, still have people on their lists who were cruel and blindsided enough to attack me on his behalf after all that has happened, people that call him their friend. So, I don't even feel comfortable commenting on the journals where these people are all over the place. Unfortunately, LJ is just a bad, sad place for me now in light of what has happened and what is happening. I get stressed out coming here. And I would delete my account right now except for the fact that I do LOVE some of you guys, some of you are my good friends, and this is the only way I have of staying in touch with some of you. So I don't really know what the Hell to do...

I am posting over on my 360 blog pretty regularly now. I feel more comfortable there. So many people I know on 360 have expressed absolute outrage at what Mark did, and have even helped me to get legal advice/representation and to figure out how to proceed with having justice served over the numerous criminal acts he perpetrated against me and my family. None of them are friends of his, or even friends of friends of his. There are no connections to him there. This just makes me feel more safe and more comfortable at this time. When I have been having some pretty dark thoughts about not even wanting to be alive anymore, I just really need to be in an environment where I can feel safe and try to heal. This is nothing against anybody here. I really wish this was all different. And maybe it will be in time.

You are all free to come over and check out whatever I am posting there anytime, though I know that most people on LJ end up sticking to LJ. Either way, just so you know you can always find out what's going on with me there, or you can also contact me directly at shady@lostdestinations.com ...or visit me at any of my websites.

I do wanna stay in touch with you guys.

Yesterday I went out with Lobo and climbed to the top of the Franklin Mountains... I watched my city moving below... felt the connection of life and time and how it all goes on... and of course I had my camera with me and took a ton of photos. It felt cathartic. My camera has lately been my shield against pain, my escape hatch. My photography has come to mean something much, much more to me than just visuals or images. I have been going nuts on my flickr account, posting photos and trying to get feedback and make connections. I want to be a good photographer, I want to be a better photographer, I want to be better than a 'good' photographer. If any of you guys are on flickr, please add me, comment on my pages, show me yours. I would love to make more contacts there.

So... visit me at my 360 blog.... come hang out in the (now-Tuesday-night) weekly Diner chats.... hit me up my flickr account. I really hope to remain in touch with you all. I love you guys and I hope everyone is doing well.... take care all....

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it"s the totally random, ever-changing icon o" fun!!

Having A (20%) Blonde Moment....

OK time for a vanity-type post. By that I mean, a post about my HAIR. Yeah, my hair. I have gone BLOOOONDE!!! OK, not totally blonde.... more like 20% blonde, heheheh...

photos of my new blondeness this way...Collapse )

It still remains to be seen whether I have about 20% more fun. I will let you guys know :P

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it"s the totally random, ever-changing icon o" fun!!

Ode To The SuFi

For me, nothing can quite match the undying beauty... the timeless perfection... the sheer wordless gesture that is the SuFi. Don't know what the SuFi is? Then perhaps you are not a Dane Cook fan. Unlike moi... who is a super obsessed, own every CD, watched every comedy special, laugh til I cry diehard Dane Cook fan(atic), heh.

The SuFi is the nickname of a little gesture known as the SuperFinger.

The SuFi is for those moments when the regular Finger just won't do the trick. When flippin' the bird is just not enough. It's a hardcore TWO-fingered slam that leaves no room for misinterpretation.

And there are oh-so-many things in life deserving of the SuFi. It has completely replaced the usual one-fingered salute as my greeting to idiots and morons in traffic everywhere. It delivers twice the satisfying UHHNNHHH of the single digit. It just feels soooo. Damn. GOOD.

So now I would like to send a SuFi out to some of the those aforementioned things...
A SuFi to bad weather, which I am soooo sick of dealing with/hearing about. A SuFi to the hundreds of chain-messages that clog up my inbox and cost me precious minutes... minutes, MINUTES I SAY!!... of every day deleting them. A big fat SuFi to people who tell lies as a normal routine of their everyday existence- you people suuuuck, hardcore.

SuFi's all around to mosquitos. I hate mosquitos. SuFi to myspace because it messed up my hard drive with it's nasty little malware virus. SuFi to people who use my computer without permission and go onto myspace, infecting it with a virus. SuFi to seafood... it grosses me out and I'm not havin' it. SuFi to being broke. SuFi to arguments & drama.... what is more time-wasting and unproductive?? Oh wait I know- chain-messages. Ha.

SuFi to faux pockets in clothing... wtf is up with that?

SuFi to people that bail out on friendships when things get complicated. SuFi to people that get all judge-y. Extra-hard SuFi to friends who bail on friendships after being all judge-y. SuFi to that extremely annoying steel-drum song in the Girls Gone Wild commercials. SuFi to perfumey-scented cat litter, trash bags, or anything else that holds similar nasty smelling cargo... it's downright unnatural dammit. SuFi to the best tv shows always getting cancelled while the worst ones linger on for years & years & years. On the tv show note SuFi to Lost for not hurrying the HELL up and being back on already, aghghghhh (don't they know I am dyin' over here??)

SuFi to neon camouflage... where exactly are you gonna blend in in that?? SuFi to never being able to find the correct type of screwdriver you need, when you need it. SuFi to high gas prices. SuFi to con artists and fakers and people who are mean. And last but not least, SuFi to you-know-who (and that could mean anything, I am aware... use your own discretion when filling in that blank)

And Dane Cook... you are a friggin' genius. Viva La SuFi!!!!

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it"s the totally random, ever-changing icon o" fun!!

piecing it together

Well, that was considerably more than a 'few days', huh...? Sorry!! But- I'm baaaaa-aack... (and this is gonna be a long one, so you are forewarned, ha...)

So let me tell you my latest tale of real-life dramarama and misadventure, heheh. As I said before, I was planning on getting back to the regular blogging (and, the online thing in general) after I got back to the Land of the Living (or at least the Technological)... which I was intending to do. I had spent the past few months on the road, traveling and thinking... trying to get my shit together and decide where to go from the ground zero of my life situation...Collapse )

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it"s the totally random, ever-changing icon o" fun!!


*raises hand*

So, I just wanted to say that I am still alive (yeah yeah- I know some of you are disappointed to hear it, ha ha)... I know that I haven't been posting here very much lately.

My life has obviously been rather... shaken and stirred lately. NOTHING whatsoever is the same anymore, in fact... on Tuesday, I loaded up my truck and just hit the road all alone... I 'ran away' from home in a manner of speaking... I just needed to get away, to disappear. And I guess I've done a good job of it, because I've covered four states so far and almost no one knows where I am right now. And it kinda feels good for the moment.

Things got pretty nasty here on LJ for me recently after the 'breakup'. People whom I had considered good friends turned on me, I got some pretty foul messages, and all over something that was no one else's business, anyway (and that was not even TRUE, to boot) Yes, I did post about the fact that Mark & I broke up, but I posted it friend's only, and included only the facts about the breaking up itself. I did not (and will NOT) go back and detail every single grievance and issue and argument in the marriage- I do not believe that that part of it is anyone's business but mine & Mark's. Yet there was a whole group of people that nosed into the issues and took sides, created drama from things they 'heard'... I really let that hurt me for awhile, because I know that I am an honest (to a fucking FAULT, even) person, and the things they were saying about me were untrue and extremely insulting...

But I'm over it- this is not high school dammit. I have discovered that there are many more of you guys out there who love and appreciate me exactly as I am, and do not let hearsay, shit-talking, or speculations about my private life stop you from standing by me. I am really grateful to those of you who listened to my side of things, who were mature about the situation, or who just sent me a virtual *hug* and otherwise stayed neutral. I THANK YOU guys for that.

In the meanwhile... because I felt so 'burned' by some of the stuff that went on here, I had decided to stop posting on LJ totally. But recently some good LJ friends told me, 'FUCK THAT, we miss you'... and so, I guess I will continue here. I really appreciate the encouragement. I have cleaned up my friend's list a bit, and added some new friends... and am ready to get back to LJ-posting...

I realize that there is a big lag since the last time I posted, and in case you are wondering what has been going on, I have been posting entries on my 360 blog almost daily... my entire index of entries by subject/date is here (but keep in mind that it's a few days behind, cause I have been on the road... you can see the most recent posts by going to my 360 blog) for those of you who wanna 'catch up' with what has been going on in my life- my road trip, my new home, and some very big changes, among other stuff.

I hope you all have been well. I have missed you guys. Thanks for understanding, and *BIGHUGS* to all...

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it"s the totally random, ever-changing icon o" fun!!

Sorry to give such short notice. But I was napping in my coffin, waiting for the sun to go down, and just woke... *pokes tongue out* ...ha ha.

Anyway, yes... the regular Thursday night chat is going down, in less than an hour (9 pm EST) As always, I am inviting you all to join us in our chat-tastic extravaganzas. You can find the chatroom in the Lost Diner. And if you need to work out chat times (or see a live countdown til the chat starts), check here.

So stop by for some craziness, conversation, and (virtual) coffee. Hope to see you there... *waves*

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it"s the totally random, ever-changing icon o" fun!!

LIVE chat tonight... jooooin ussssssss

Just a reminder- tonight is the weekly live chat night in the Lost Diner...

I'll be hanging out in the chatroom tonight, starting at 9 pm EST (you can check what time that is in your time zone, or see a live countdown til chat time, here)

As always, I'm looking forward to hanging with the heeeelarious regulars, and hoping that we'll also see some new faces tonight. So, don't be shy... come hang out... the conversation is great, and the (virtual, make believe) coffee ain't half bad either!!

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it"s the totally random, ever-changing icon o" fun!!

Green Eyes, A Glorious Mess

Shady Eyes

I am a mess. I am a technicolor, gloriously messy mess. Life is horrible, life is grand, life is painful and beautiful and dizzying. I am crushed. I am on fire. And right now I am steeped with equal amounts of passion, confusion, hopefulness, and pain.

I've been away from home for a long time.

I've really only been back 'home', and away from my best friend, for a matter of days... It's been only a matter of days since I found out the person I was (technically) married to had just erased themselves from my life while I was out of town... I am still reeling from a million little bits of life-asskickery that have been flying left and right.

I've been doing all the 'normal' things... crying, fuming, getting frustrated, packing, feeling betrayed, crying some more (see my worn-out cryin' eyes up there??) Wondering what exactly is gonna happen for me next. It looks like I will have to move out of here and move in with my Gramma for awhile. This whole situation is skeeeery as s**t for me. I'd rather go inside a 'haunted' abandoned house or a lonesome old cemetery at night, k???

But in the midst of all of this uncertainty... I feel...... freedom. A sense of hope. A chance. For what? I dunno! Something, though....


I am my own person again. I can say whatever I want about whatever I feel. My marriage was just in paper only for about 5/6 of the entire thing (his choice, not mine) And a confusion of loyalty, responsibility, and 'friendship' prompted me to stay with him no matter what, and to keep any of our problems on the inside, away from all outside eyes and ears. I've been loyally bound inside of that responsibility for years and years.

But, he left. He just... left. Walked right away from whatever responsibilities bound us without a backward glance. So now I am... free. I am free... whoa.

Yes... I am a mess right now. I have a whoooole lot of things left for me to figure out, right out of the blue. But... then again... blue is my favorite color.
*teeny smile*

|[...to you: you know how I feel about you... I love you & you love me too... one day I will say it publicly... say what I feel, openly, x 3...]|

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it"s the totally random, ever-changing icon o" fun!!