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Momma

Momma

I miss you, Mom. I try so hard to forget the existence of Mother's Day every year... or else I will sit here thinking about the gift I'd like to give you this year... or the ones that I gave you in years past... you always loved presents and surprises, like a little kid you always that giddy sense of excitement for such things.

I found this old polaroid picture of you, above, while going through some boxes of old things... as I am getting ready to move out of this house. I'm sure you'd be so upset if you were here, seeing what my life is right now. I know you'd be proud of me anyway... but you never did handle seeing me get hurt well (just remember the time they had to tape my jawline shut after the accident, ha) Anyway... I had never seen this picture of you before!? Where is the World did it come from??

There you are, in a frilly fancy dress and sweet pigtails... standing happily in the midst of a decrepit and abandoned building. WTF? Is this where I get it from, Mom??

I think you would have loved the website... *smile*

I miss you. You've been gone for 12 years now, and it's still close-to-impossible for me to bring myself to your grave. I hate to think of you being there. When I am upset, or crying, or feeling like I'm just dying... I sob your name out. I still call for you like a kid with a skinned knee.
Do you ever hear me?

I miss you, Mom. I will always f**king miss you. Mother, best friend, kin & confidante... nobody will ever be able to replace what you were (are) to me.

I miss you.
Happy Mother's Day.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
njtech
May. 14th, 2006 10:27 pm (UTC)
//hugs
senor_stinky
May. 14th, 2006 11:11 pm (UTC)
Onya Shady, you big softy :)
leadbox
May. 14th, 2006 11:48 pm (UTC)
That's heartbreaking, but beautiful. Just happening upon that picture while you're going through an uber tough time? Might be your mom saying she's still there for you.
sextanika
May. 15th, 2006 12:51 am (UTC)
Yep you definately get it from your mother! lol That's a great picture.
I know she's watching over you right now. She always will. ***HUGS***
gervgirl
May. 15th, 2006 01:56 am (UTC)
Aww that was very sweet. {{HUGS}}
queenofdarkmoon
May. 15th, 2006 03:22 am (UTC)
wow im really touched makes me thinjk of people that are taken for granted especially mothers but she is always thre for you even now take care xoxo
batchix
May. 15th, 2006 04:37 am (UTC)
*hug* Mother's day can be the loneliest day.
bound_gagged
May. 15th, 2006 04:55 am (UTC)
*hugs* Your post made me both smile and choke back tears *hugs again* Your mother would be so very proud of you, Shady - you've done so many amazing things!!! Yes, there have been (and prolly will always be from time to time as that is life) some bad things, but they dont even begin to compare to the good that you do. You share that good with all of us here and touch our lives on a daily basis :) I feel privileged to know you...
jaydedfaerie
May. 15th, 2006 05:29 pm (UTC)
that is an amazing photograph of your mother. It did remind me of you and I too feel that you finding that picture on mother's day is her way of saying "hello and I love you"
wendyl_g
May. 17th, 2006 03:32 am (UTC)
mothers day
your comment killed me. I did not have the strength to post such a post. My mother has been gone 7 and a half years and it eats me up inside. Thank you for your post. It made me cry terribly but a true and deep rooted cry it was! I did talk to her and cut her some flowers. Not having a mother has made a huge hole in my soul.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )