Well, that was considerably more than a 'few days', huh...? Sorry!! But- I'm baaaaa-aack... (and this is gonna be a long one, so you are forewarned, ha...)



So let me tell you my latest tale of real-life dramarama and misadventure, heheh. As I said before, I was planning on getting back to the regular blogging (and, the online thing in general) after I got back to the Land of the Living (or at least the Technological)... which I was intending to do. I had spent the past few months on the road, traveling and thinking... trying to get my shit together and decide where to go from the ground zero of

I did eventually come back to El Paso, and my Gramma's house, where all of my worldy stuffsesses have been sitting since I was essentially rendered homeless by evil deeds. I had left my 'puter here. Well, in my absence, my sister oh-so-thoughtfully decided to invade my room and make use of it- and whatever was in it- to her little heart's desire... which included my computer. Which she used to go onto- blech- myspace... repeatedly... even after I had asked her not to. See, that vile little malware virus that was implanted on myspace recently had totally wiped Lobo's Mom's computer out, and I definitely feared having mine suffer the same fate, so I had asked her not to use my machine to log onto that site. Little did she listen, and as a result, she infected my computer with the nasty malware that over a million other people got hit with (yep I am one of those anti-automatic-Windows-update folk so I got slammed) Ughghhhh! Anyway, we ended up having to completely wipe my hard drive, and reconfigure my machine totally... all of which left me sans computer access for quite awhile (we are still re-installing programs even now, oi) Sooooo... that's where I have been, 'net-wise.

Life-wise... well, that's not quite so easy to sum up.

I am still coming to terms with all that has happened to me in the past few months. Getting away from everything was definitely good for me, though. I've had a chance to re-examine how I got to where I am now, and to think about how to go about reconstructing my life. It took the distance of getting away from my past situation to see how totally controlled I have been for a really long time, and I feel so free now. It feels good and scary all at once, but definitely more good than scary. I am once again my own person, and for the first time in YEARS have free access to my own vehicle, my own paychecks, my own bank account... and even a current I.D. (I was not 'allowed' to have open access to any of these things for years)... One of the reasons I have avoided posting here in the last few months is that every other time I posted an entry, I would get a threatening IM, message, or phone call from my ex, telling me to 'amend' my post or else he would publicly trash me on his blogs (for some reason I don't understand he was/is(?) still keeping a close watch on me via my blogs, even after leaving) I was even actually intimidated into going back and deleting previous posts I had made about the relationship ending, because he literally ordered me to do it. I even edited the posts themselves to take out the parts he told me to take out. Once I got some distance from the situation, I was like... WTF AM I DOING???

Yes- he has posted some slanderous things about me in his blogs in retaliation, and it hurt me, because some of the people I that thought were my friends on here (and IRL) actually believed that crap, and turned against me. But now I know that this was all just more of the same cycle of extreme control that has been going on all along. And I do not have to submit to that nonsense. And anyone who bought into that farce was not my friend in the first place, anyway. And...... I AM going to be ok.

I have to also make this clear- I am going to have to delete anyone from my friends list who has my ex on their friends list. I am not doing this to be petty, I assure you. I am doing this on the advice of legal counsel, I cannot have any ties- no matter how far removed- to him whatsoever anymore (especially so because, I suspect that someone on my friends list is showing him my private friends-only entries) This has nothing to do with the control issue, or relationship issues, or anything of that sort... because I do consider those things to be between he and I, and nobody else's problem to deal with. Relationship issues, issues of trust and dishonesty, are one thing. BUT. He has commited several actual criminal acts- things that there are ample written and even videoptaped (!) evidence of- and I have to seperate myself from any contact with him as the pending legalities play out. So there is nothing personal in this action, I have been advised legally that I need to do this, and so I am definitely going to do what I need to do to protect myself from here on out.

Whew. This post turned out to be wayyyyy more emotionally-loaded than I ever intended. But I needed to clear the air. I will be posting some upcoming stuff that will be a lot more fun to read very shortly, I promise!

Until then (and, I promise, it won't be long)... I hope all of you out there in blogland are doing well... I have MISSED YOU GUYS... I am looking forward to getting back into the blogadelic swing of things and catching up on what's happening with everyone. Hugs all around...

...and now, a totally random icon: