Intensely-blue wildflowers in a Goofy jelly jar... you picked these for me, and they were worth more than the fanciest, most expensive bouquet to me... You knew I would like them because blue is my favorite color and I love wildflowers...

It's scary how well you know me.

I am dreaming that one day soon, what has always been meant to be, will... finally... BE...

Once again, this N3S postcard is for Daisy's 360 Not-So-Secret-Secrets project (the topic for this one was freestyle)

[My Not-So-Secret-Secrets Archive]

...and now, a totally random icon:

...that it never happened...
But it did!! Ack.



OK- a little background: this was someone I dated when I was in college. We had not gotten to the physical stage yet (luckily!!!) when he comes sauntering out one day... this cheap rubber monster mask in hand... and tells me about his little, umm, 'requirement'.

And I swear, it looked almost like the mask that I used in my image. Especially the crazy nappy mask-hair! *shudder*

Needless to say, I got the Hell out of there as fast as my little feet could carry me. Which was pretty damned fast. And then- talk about awkward- I had to see this guy all the time around campus afterward.

I have never told a soul about this (would you?? LOL) So it is really a secret-secret!!! I had really tried to wipe this memory from my brain altogether, but when I started contemplating the 'Exes' topic... it all came flooding back. And now I will have nightmares tonight. Thanks, Daisy, for coming up with such a traumatizing N3S topic... *pokes tongue out*

*goes away to rock back in forth in a corner somewhere*

Once again, this is for Daisy's 360 Not-So-Secret-Secrets project (the topic for this one was obviously 'Exes')

[My Not-So-Secret-Secrets Archive]

*disclaimer: NO that is not a picture of Mr. Mask, just a random tighty-whitey Ashton Kutcher pic that I Photoshopped- sorry, Kutch!!*

...and now, a totally random icon:

Yes, I do realize that we are on N3S #4. But see, I didn't start playing until #2. And so I have felt behind the game ever since I got started. So, I did a time-warp, jumped into a wormhole, and went back to make my N3S #1. And, here 'tis...



As silly as the format of this card may be, this is a serious secret for me. Now, I know that some of you are gonna go- shy? Shady, you're not shy!! But, really- I am. I assure you.

My real life persona is vastly different from my online one. It's so so so so much easier for me to interact with the shield of the keyboard and the Internet between me and others. In real life, I am always the shy, quiet one in the corner. When I do try to talk, I come off as goofy, geeky, and awkward. I swear I have the personality of Fred, from the tv show Angel (especially Fred just after she came back from that alternate dimension, and was writing on walls and afraid to leave her room! Oi) If you are an Angel-watcher, you are prolly laughing at me right now.

But it is true.

Posting in my blogs is not a big deal for me. I love to write. I love to create graphics and post my photography. But see, that does not involve interaction. The comments DO, and that's where it gets sticky.

As I have said before- I lurv getting comments from you guys. But there is always this little thing inside of me, that fears the occasional meanie comment (...usually those come from strangers, not you guys that know me. But still.) And going out and commenting on everyone else's blogs can be really intimidating for me. It's like being back in junior high... and walking into a packed cafeteria where everyone is already grouped off/having conversations... and having to find a place to sit amongst everyone, and then open my mouth and start talking. Eeek. I feel like... 'Why can't I be more clever?? Why can't I be funnier? Why do I sound so awkward and dorky?? Aggh!'

I know I should comment on the blogs of others more than I do. Part of it is time constraints, yeah. But another, more dorky part of it is just me, being insecure and SHY. Yes- shy. But, I am trying. I am working on it. I am trying to make an effort to get out there and comment in the blogs of others.

I guess I just need to get over this geeky junior high complex, eh?

[As always, this N3S made for RaysieDaisy's Not-So-Secret-Secrets project]

Oh and see my N3S postcard archive here.

...and now, a totally random icon:

My latest creation for Raysie's 360 Not-So-Secret-Secrets project (aka N3S)...



OK, when I found out the topic was 'Spirituality' on this one, my first reaction was pretty much... "oh, crap". I admit, I was stumped. It's a very complicated subject for me. Anyway, I think my N3S postcard sums it up. At least as much as it can be summed up, at this point in my life (oh and as soon as Lobo saw this, he was like, "See this is why people call you Gawth"... lol)

For those not in the know, N3S is a project Raysie started, inspired by the PostSecret site. Postsecret is all about anonymity. N3S is all about publicly posting a secret that you secretly want everyone to know. The format is 'postcards'. The project is goin' on over at 360. Check out the link up there, above my postcard, for the N3S lowdown or if you wanna join in.

Oh and I am keeping an archive of my N3S postcards here, if you are interested.

...and now, a totally random icon:

[click to enlarge]

He (Richard Ramirez) is from my hometown, I know some of his relatives. He likes to be called 'Ritchie'. He's always been very polite to me.

(It started out as 'research' for a true crime book that I was writing about a different series of crimes, I wanted to find out why someone would do such a thing. He never wanted to talk about that, though. We only ever talked about fairly mundane things.)

Another creation for RaysieDaisy's Not-So-Secret-Secrets Project (this time it was freestylie theme)

...and now, a totally random icon:

[click pic for large version]

This is my 'postcard' creation for my dear RaysieDaisy's awesome Not-So-Secret-Secrets 360 project (inspired by the awesome PostSecret site) As long as I participate in this, I will be posting my 'cards' in my LJ Scrapbook. For posterity, or something.

The theme for this one was 'green'. As I meditated on an idea for it, this sentence and image just rose into my mind, stuck in my head, and insisted on being created. I know it's kinda sad, but this is what I came up with. It is straight from the ♥

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight,
Like the stars that fill the midnight sky
Her memory fills my mind...

...and now, a totally random icon: