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I miss you, Mom. I try so hard to forget the existence of Mother's Day every year... or else I will sit here thinking about the gift I'd like to give you this year... or the ones that I gave you in years past... you always loved presents and surprises, like a little kid you always that giddy sense of excitement for such things.

I found this old polaroid picture of you, above, while going through some boxes of old things... as I am getting ready to move out of this house. I'm sure you'd be so upset if you were here, seeing what my life is right now. I know you'd be proud of me anyway... but you never did handle seeing me get hurt well (just remember the time they had to tape my jawline shut after the accident, ha) Anyway... I had never seen this picture of you before!? Where is the World did it come from??

There you are, in a frilly fancy dress and sweet pigtails... standing happily in the midst of a decrepit and abandoned building. WTF? Is this where I get it from, Mom??

I think you would have loved the website... *smile*

I miss you. You've been gone for 12 years now, and it's still close-to-impossible for me to bring myself to your grave. I hate to think of you being there. When I am upset, or crying, or feeling like I'm just dying... I sob your name out. I still call for you like a kid with a skinned knee.
Do you ever hear me?

I miss you, Mom. I will always f**king miss you. Mother, best friend, kin & confidante... nobody will ever be able to replace what you were (are) to me.

I miss you.
Happy Mother's Day.

Not-So-Secret-Secret (N3S #6): Freestylie!

I Love You

Intensely-blue wildflowers in a Goofy jelly jar... you picked these for me, and they were worth more than the fanciest, most expensive bouquet to me... You knew I would like them because blue is my favorite color and I love wildflowers...

It's scary how well you know me.

I am dreaming that one day soon, what has always been meant to be, will... finally... BE...

Once again, this N3S postcard is for Daisy's 360 Not-So-Secret-Secrets project (the topic for this one was freestyle)

[My Not-So-Secret-Secrets Archive]

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it's the totally random, ever-changing icon o' fun!!


ALL HAIL Mistress Corndog!!!! Hail, damn you, hail...

Well, last night's chat in the Lost Diner was funfunFUN... *grin*

The cast of regular maddos (and a few new faces!) had me cracking up so hard, oh my. I wanna send a thanks & hugsies out to Lobo, leadbox, Mage, MisterBonestripper, one19, RaysieDaisy, Baldur, Slim Jim, direwraithe, fenrir1981, dlifesjrny, alphamom, stealinsugars, psychonj, Douglas, and madrabbit for coming out and staying out with us in the Diner chatroom for last night's chat!

OK usually I toss out a list of topics that we discussed in the chat during the post-chat wrap-up. But this time, I decided... hmmm... something a lil' different- actual transcripts of the zaniness!! LOL... So's you all can see how silly it gets in there... here are a few bits about zombie sitcoms, zombies in the Diner, and, ummm... 'Mistress Corndog'. Enjoy:

*here the topic of ideas for zombie sitcoms somehow veers into a discussion on tentacle porn*

[Shady] 8:26 pm: The Braineaty Bunch...
[MisterBonestripper] 8:27 pm: I was just working on the Brady's....good one.
[Shady] 8:27 pm: lol
[SlimJimDavis] 8:27 pm: Braineaty Bunch? Like, a grid of 9 zombies staring zombie-like into space as the brady theme plays?
[Shady] 8:27 pm: YES!! exactly
[MisterBonestripper] 8:28 pm: Remember that time when Bobby came home sad because he lost the Little League game due to embarassing leg necrosis? Ahh, heartwarming...
[Shady] 8:28 pm: lmao
[SlimJimDavis] 8:28 pm: Or when Marsha gets hit in the nose, it falls off?
[Shady] 8:28 pm: ahahhaaaaaaaaa
[MisterBonestripper] 8:31 pm: SlimJimDavis, when you brought up the grid of 9 zombies, I had this bad zombie "Hollywood Squares" image in my head.
[magestorm] 8:31 pm: I wanna go out to dinner at Zombleby's
[Shady] 8:31 pm: Rottywood Squares!
[Shady] 8:31 pm: lmao... ahaha
[MisterBonestripper] 8:31 pm: "Um, yes, I'll take the remains of Jane Mansfield for the block, please."
[Shady] 8:32 pm: lol
[SlimJimDavis] 8:32 pm: For the block...9 out of 10 women say that when it comes to cleaning house, their husbands do a better job of this, than any other chore? What do they do a better job of?
[SlimJimDavis] 8:32 pm: aaaaughhhhauugh
[MisterBonestripper] 8:32 pm: "I disagree, Bob."
[SlimJimDavis] 8:33 pm: How do you spell zombie groaning sounds anyway?
[Shady] 8:33 pm: lolsssss
[MisterBonestripper] 8:33 pm: Uuuuhhhhhhgggggrrrrgllerrrrr..
[Shady] 8:33 pm: lol
[SlimJimDavis] 8:33 pm: You disagree? You're right, the correct answer is vacuuming
[magestorm] 8:33 pm: And what about zombie porn?
[MisterBonestripper] 8:34 pm: Zombie porn has been done. Have you seen "The Repenetrator?"
[SlimJimDavis] 8:34 pm: I wasn't going to say that, but that's what I thought
[magestorm] 8:34 pm: I haven't seen it
[MisterBonestripper] 8:34 pm: And of course, there's the "Girls With Corpses" website.
[magestorm] 8:34 pm: Heard about it, but haven't seen it
[Lobo] 8:35 pm: Porn is like Star Trek or the Simpsons, if you can think of it, it's been done.
[Shady] 8:35 pm: lol Lobo
[magestorm] 8:35 pm: Hey. I do have all the Star Trek originals, Next Gens, and Voyagers :P
[SlimJimDavis] 8:35 pm: Spock, Marge, Moe...
[MisterBonestripper] 8:35 pm: Yes, but the market is still painfully shy of live-action tentacle hentai, dammit.
[SlimJimDavis] 8:36 pm: has that been done?
[Lobo] 8:36 pm: Damn them and their tentacle oppresion...
[MisterBonestripper] 8:36 pm: Amen.
[Shady] 8:36 pm: lol
[MisterBonestripper] 8:36 pm: My tentacle will not be repressed!
[MisterBonestripper] 8:36 pm: Ummm, wait....
[Shady] 8:36 pm: ahahhaaaaa
[Lobo] 8:36 pm: Hahahaha
[SlimJimDavis] 8:36 pm: If I were ever to start a hardcore band, I would call it Tentacle Oppression
[Lobo] 8:37 pm: Awesome...
[magestorm] 8:37 pm: Hey! Something Positive and College Roomates From Hell both have done hentai live action tentacle porn
[MisterBonestripper] 8:37 pm: Beats my last band name: Sucking Chest Wound.
[magestorm] 8:38 pm: And Something Positive did Gay tentacle porn
[Lobo] 8:39 pm: Not sure I'd refer to them as something positive.
[MisterBonestripper] 8:39 pm: Tentacle porn is definately positive.

*here, an attempt is made to cheer me up with a zombie story, heh*

[magestorm] 8:50 pm: Shady, would a story help you feel a bit better?
[SlimJimDavis] 8:50 pm: <---sits idle and chimes in with an occasional smart ass remark
[Shady] 8:50 pm: lol
[Shady] 8:50 pm: i can totally picture this.....
MisterBonestripper plays Statler to SlimJim's Waldorf.
[direwraithe] 8:51 pm: His zombie stories rock... I can only imagine the ghost versions..
[magestorm] 8:51 pm: I can try fighting the block, and hack out a story
[Shady] 8:51 pm: i wanna star in a zombie story...... ok GO!!!!
[MisterBonestripper] 8:52 pm: *voice over* We have secretly switched all the sugar and sugar substitues in the Diner with T-Virus powdered concentrate. Let's see if they notice the difference...
[direwraithe] 8:52 pm: Shady seduces the zombies into servitude and becomes Living Dead Girl!
[Shady] 8:53 pm: lmao
[SlimJimDavis] 8:53 pm: This coffee tastes different, do you notice anyth....cough gurgle
[MisterBonestripper] 8:54 pm: Excuse me, waitress? Could I get a refil of coffee and som.......mmmooorrrree.....brrrrraiiiiinnnnnssssss........
[direwraithe] 8:55 pm: Think Subway.... ZOMBIES!.... Eat Flesh!
MisterBonestripper 's lower jaw falls off at this point, making his gnawing at the key lime cerebellum both disturbing and amusing.
[Shady] 8:55 pm: screams, looks around for headsmashing device
[SlimJimDavis] 8:55 pm: Nah it would be more like. "How are y'all doin'? Can I get you anything else?" "Braiiiiinssss"
[MisterBonestripper] 8:56 pm: "Send more waitresses."
[direwraithe] 8:56 pm: LOL
[SlimJimDavis] 8:56 pm: haha
[Shady] 8:56 pm: ahahaaaaaaaaa
[direwraithe] 8:56 pm: Good one

*and here, after a smoke break, we somehow go off on... ummm S&M corndogs??*

[direwraithe] 9:22 pm: Back.... ah... nicotine.. my smoky mistress!
[leadbox] 9:22 pm: corndogs are my mistress
[leadbox] 9:22 pm: er, mister?
[magestorm] 9:23 pm: ...the masculine of Mistress is Master
[SlimJimDavis] 9:23 pm: corndogs are good, however, I've never said "Yes, Mistresss" just before dipping one into ketchup
[Lobo] 9:23 pm: Mistress Corndog...
[direwraithe] 9:24 pm: Best porn name ever!
[leadbox] 9:24 pm: hmm...i havent spoken to my corndogs either. I hope they wouldnt talk back?
[SlimJimDavis] 9:24 pm: yeah, but in that section of the video store I don't go into...

Soooo... yeah, that's the kind of stuff that goes on in our regular Thursday night chats. Now you know, lol. Come and join us next Thursday... *wink*

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it's the totally random, ever-changing icon o' fun!!

Ok a reminder!! CHAT CHAT CHAT CHAT.....

I will be hanging out LIVE in the Lost Diner chatroom tonight, 9 pm EST. Check that page for convert to your time zone and all other details, and come join me tonight... I reallllly could use some silliness, shits & giggles. Hope to see some of you guys there.

So, Ho Day (every Wednesday, on 360) was not as silly-enjoyable as usual for me yesterday, just because, well... read my past few posts if you haven't yet and you'll know I am not in a 'great' frame of mind right now.

But, I heart Ho Day, so I did participate (even if it wasn't HOheartedly, haha, erm, ho ho)


I was a Retro+Ho this time. I thought my retroesque Pinup-Avatar came out cute, and, she blew kisses! *mwaaa* I have noooo idea about view stats, or anything else... as I said, I am still in a f**king daze right now from what just happened, ack.

I did get my official Ho passport- yes, I am now a proud citizen of Ho Land. And, I was chatting with a dear friend last night when we had the following humorous exchange...

one19: And that Passport is very ingenious
one19: It just needs STAMPED
one19: Taking a HO-IDAY
one19: A Ho A Day - Keeps SOMETHING Away
Shady: lol
Shady: Ho Land
Shady: it's like Holland if the L (and everyone's clothes) fell off!
one19: Don't forget to stick your finger in the dike
one19: Or is that Dyke ?
Shady: ahahaaaa.....

Anyway... HOpefully next Hump Day I will be a livelier ho. HOpe you all enjoyed. And, if you have anything that might make me laugh/cheer me up... I could sure as S**T use it right now... *sigh*

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it's the totally random, ever-changing icon o' fun!!

WTF, Life??! *sigh*

Well, I am home... actually got home last night. And, here I was gonna post this 'halloooo!' post about the trip and being back home... but, remember that uncertain future I was talking about before I left...? Well, when I got here it became a billion times more f**cked-up-uncertain.

Anyway, sorry, the regularly scheduled post-Post goofiness will not air here as scheduled.

I cannot even talk about this crap at the moment. I am shocked/upset to the point of numbness, and cannot think. I will post more/respond to the last few day's worth of comments when I can calm the f**ck down. Just wanted to let you all know I am back home back in El Paso (not back 'home'... I have no more home...)

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it's the totally random, ever-changing icon o' fun!!


So- here's a peek at my bloomers (really!)... since I was such a tease last time. Mwaa ha!! You know, a lil somethin'-somethin' for you guys to remember me by until I get back online :P Yep- I'm heading for home today...

On the day I went away... goodbye...
Was all I had to say... now I...
I want to come again and stay... Oh my my...
Smile, and that will mean that I may

Cause I've seen blue skies, through the tears
In my eyes
And I realize... I'm going home.

Everywhere it's been the same... feeling...
Like I'm outside in the rain... wheeling...
Free, to try and find a game... dealing...
Cards for sorrow, cards for pain

Cause I've seen blue skies through the tears
In my eyes
And I realize... I'm going home

(bonus cool-freak points to the first person to identify what these words are from!)

So I am about to hit the highway... I-10 baby, all the way to Arizona. I'm stopping off to meet G Jo and visit at my Aunt's house in Phoenix (where G Jo is waiting for me)... then we'll be on the way to El Paso. I should be home sometime on Sunday. I may be out of touch 'til then (unless I can sneak onto the internet while in Phoenix)...

Daisy... Casper... you girls have my #... give me a call if you feel like it... and you know how shy I am about making phone calls (what a dork!)

Hope you all have a great weekend. I'll 'see' you when I get home... *waves*

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it's the totally random, ever-changing icon o' fun!!


Comments, IMs, & Invites... Oh My

OK... so, some things about my online behavior lately...

I have been a baaaaaad commentor (not bad as in, leaving BAD comments... bad as in, not commenting as much as I should!) I have not been around much on my Messenger. And, I have been terrible about responding to my emails/messages too.

Please don't hate me!!! *sad face*

It's all a symptom of my circumstances. I am still in California, I have been away from 'home' (Texas) for about 3 months now. I am still dealing with- emotionally, mentally- the incident 2 weeks ago when I was physically assaulted (and it's repercussions in my life). I am planning to drive back to Texas tommorow morning, so I have been getting ready for that, too.

I have just been in a very quiet, pensive, hermit-y mode.

I have been reading all your blogs. And I have been trying to post something here, at least daily, even if it's something silly (and trying to respond to all comments I get)... just to let you all know I am still alive. Anyway... just wanted to let everyone know... even if you haven't seen me online- in your comments, on Messenger, or in your email inbox- I am still here. And I am planning on catching up, BIG TIME, after I get back home this Sunday. So.... watch out!

Thanks for the patience guys. Do ya still lurv me??? *bats eyelashes*

Oh PS... do you like my little Shady-skeleton figurine?? She is actually sitting on my desk at home, and never ceases to crack me up. I swear that's how they are gonna find me, one day! LOL

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it's the totally random, ever-changing icon o' fun!!

So, Ho Day on 360 is over (it's every Wednesday btw)... well.. it's not over for another 2 hours here, but I didn't wanna be the Last Ho Standin', again. Then I just look like a HO... heh.

It was another day of ho-in' good fun & silliness. This week I was a HOrror Ho, since Casper ran off with Samara after he Ghost-Ho-ed me out. Pffft! Luckily this guy named Jason was there to pick up the pieces (the dismembered, body pieces, that is... mwa ha!)

So, I didn't get as many views as last time... started out at 18,108 and finished at 18,678. I think I actually frightened people off with my HOrrorific persona... *giggles madly*

I did lose one person offa my 360 friends list (dunno who??)... but gained another. So I broke even there, haha. And I totally dug my funny Ho-esque avatar this time. She was all sexAY right out of a coffin! I'm a freakkkk.

Anyway see my Ho Day post, if you haven't already (and don't miss the HOrrific HOrror movie titles in the comments, hee hee!)...

I am back to regular (unleaded?) Shady on 360 again. But I am keeping the scary knife userpic- I just like it, it's so... so... psycho... *bats eyelashes*

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it's the totally random, ever-changing icon o' fun!!


Wanna See My Bloomers..?

It's that time of year... Spring has sprung... I'm feeling frisky, and I am showing off my bloomers, again. Oh yeah. There are lots of pictures of them in this post... all sizes.. kinds... and colors... who wants to see?

Right this way.......


................................. click!Collapse )

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it's the totally random, ever-changing icon o' fun!!


Ren Faires, Zombies, & Time-Warps

So, at the suggestion of that hawt 360 mamacita known as the Karin-Meister (*wink*), I've decided that yes- I am going to start sharing some of my most-bizarre dreams with you all. Cause I have them allllllllllll the time. I am a big dreamer- I dream pretty much every night and almost always remember most of them. And, usually they are really, really WEIRD...

I swear I feel like I have a 'random dream generator' built into my head. My brain saves up all these bits of nonsense from throughout the day- movies I watch, things I see, conversations I have, etc... then mixes them all up with the crap that is floating around in my subconscious to make these insane little vignettes in my sleeping mind. For instance, I watched Dawn Of The Dead '04 (for the over-a-hundredth time) last night... had a conversation with someone about ren faires... and heard about this new apt-type complex that my Great-Gramma moved into... my twisted brain filed this away, filled in the blanks from who-TF-knows-where, and here is what it spit out...

Last night's dream:

I am driving in my truck with Lobo (at least I think it was Lobo- only, he looked like the Lobo that I first knew 15+ years ago in high school, so it was hard to tell) My truck was black for some reason (in actuality, it's blue)

We are on our way to some sort of ren faire-ish thing, at least I think, and I tell the 'guy' (Lobo-Of-The-Past?)... "I have been to the future, so I have seen the future. Something really bad happens. I think we should just keep on driving, get as far away from here as possible." To which he replies, "It doesn't matter if we try to get away from it- it won't change anything. Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen... regardless of what we do now."

So, we continue on to the fair and pull into the insanely-packed parking lot; the whole place is teeming with thousands of people everywhere. We park, get out, and start making our way through the crowds. A few minutes pass, and suddenly, we begin hearing screams and noticing little pockets of panic-motion all around...

Before long we realize- it's ZOMBIES!

And they are rapidly multiplying and spreading gory death-undeath throughout the crowd.

So we start running, and somehow we get back to my truck and try to drive out of there. But by now, it is full-on zombie-mayhem and ren-faire-panic-stampedes, and even trying to get out of the place is almost impossible.

But somehow, after some hardcore car-ramming and zombie-running-over, I make it out of the crowds, onto the road, and back into the city. But we can't get too far, as by now it's spreading everywhere and crap is blowing up, vehicles are wrecking all over the place, stuff like that. And my truck has got 2 flats and is all messed up. So I aim for the doors of a high-rise apt complex, skid up as close as I can get to them, and we run inside.

No use blocking the doors- they are flimsy, and we can hear screams inside so there's no use anyways. We are just running up stairs and down hallways, trying to avoid the undead and to find somewhere to hole up. Nobody will open up their doors to us though.

Finally, we are thinking we are goners, when one of the apt doors does open, and a little girl is all alone inside. A little girl (about 7 or 8-ish), with long, straight black hair and green eyes. Like a little Shady. Hmmmm. She's alone and freaking out, and I try to comfort her while Lobo-From-The-Past (?) is trying to barricade the door. She keeps saying that we are all going to die, and that I knew this from the beginning.

But she also says, "You know nothing could have changed this. Nothing."

I am totally terrified, and trying to comfort the Mini-Me while looking for some kind of weapons, all along having this knowing in my mind that nothing I do is going to save us, ultimately. We are in a dead end, and even though I knew from the beginning that something horrible was going to happen (I 'saw' it when I was 'in the future'...?), I always knew there was no going back to avoid it.

So, bit by bit the zombies pile up outside of the front door, slowly bashing away at it until it begins to give way. And we are standing at the door, trying to fend them off with golf clubs and baseball bats, but it is obvious that they will eventually pour in like a wave, and overwhelm us anyway...

Lobo-From-The-Past, Present Me, and Me-As-Kid are pretty much fighting a futile fight.

And that is when I woke up.

Now, all of my friends know that I am a total Zombie-FREAK, I am obsessed with them. Really obsessed. So this might have been just another of my numerous 'zombie dreams'... except for the weird time-warpy stuff. Why was I with Lobo of 15+ years ago, telling him that I have seen/been to the future? Why was there a little 'Mini-Shady' in my dream- essentially a 'me' from the past?? Why did my present persona know what was going to happen in the future, but knew there was nothing that would stop it in the present? WTF is up with my weird-ass dreams..??? LOL

Feel free to analyze, comment, or just plain laugh at me... *pokes tongue out*

And stay tuned for more freaky dreams from the tangled sheets of Shady madness in the near future...

...and now, a totally random icon:

Ooh looky it's the totally random, ever-changing icon o' fun!!